Reason
by Freyris
Summary: POST GSD ONESHOT "I just finally found my reason for living." What were his reasons why he fought again in the Second Bloody Valentine war? why was he still alive after the war? Athrun Zala, a hero of war, is still lost and confused and starts to ponder on the reason behind the questions in his head. Mainly AthrunxCagalli


**Reason**

**Freyris**

**A/n: **Yey! Another ONESHOT. This was actually inspired by the image I used for this fic. It's a very very lovely and emotional photo of AsuCaga from the AsuCaga FB group. The first time I saw it, I just had this urge to make a oneshot and yeah, i honestly love making POST GSD oneshots oops..so after weeks tadaa! It took me quite some time before I completed this fic since...well I have work and I only have time during break time to do this. :(

I hope everyone likes this!

* * *

_One. Two. Three. Four ._

He counted the debris floating along the vast open space listlessly and sighed as his space shuttle exited the port from Aprilus. The remnants of the last war were idly moving away twirling slowly as the shuttle slowly weaved it's way out to the open space making sure to avoid making contact with the broken fragments of metals. Looking at the remaining scraps and chunks of materials floating around them, it reminded him of what they were all fighting for that fateful day and what they were all trying to prove to each other.

_Five. Six. Seven. Eight._

Now that the world that was once thrown in hate and clamor has once again regained its tranquility. And with the two influential female leaders working together in harmony, all arguments gradually ceased to exist and almost everyone tried to make all those loose ends meet. Earth and PLANTS. Coordinators and Naturals. Each and every human being regardless of their race, ethnicity and genetic make up, they all tried to create peace. The "_For the preservation of our blue and pure world."_ phrase long forgotten.

_Nine. Ten._

Yet, he had not found peace in himself. His mind was still in turmoil. What was his reason to live? What was his reason why he fought eagerly to end the war? Now that everything was peaceful, where does this leave him?

"We will be arriving in ORB in approximately 01700 hours."

He sighed and stared at his homeland. The huge hourglass structure built in heavy metals floating in space, as it slowly grew smaller and smaller as their shuttle slowly moved farther from it and made its way back down to ORB.

Athrun Zala closed his eyes in an attempted to relax on his seat. It would still take a while for them to reach ORB and it's most appropriate for him to try and gather all the remaining energy he has for later, when he successfully descend down to Earth. He had to deal with Kisaka when he lands...He is expecting an earful from him since he extended his stay in PLANTS without prior notice. Finally, feeling comfortable and relaxed in his seat he lightly chuckled to himself as he suddenly remember a random memory he had during his stay in PLANTS.

_"Is this...uh good enough?" Kira asked hesitantly as he buttoned his collar up and looked at his blue haired friend._

_Athrun chuckled and nodded his head. "You look great..." He smiled and placed the matching white commander hat on top of his spikey brown hair. "Commander Yamato" He said and placed his feet together and stood up straight with his chest out and Athrun saluted him formally, a greeting he had learned ever since he was a child. Kira could only gave him a small smile in appreciation and mimic Athrun's salutations._

And of course he couldn't forget how valiant Kira has gotten throughout the two wars. To do something so bold in front of everyone right after they entered the premises of the Supreme Council. Running towards Lacus and giving her a tight hug nearly gave everyone a heart attack and somehow he felt jealous of Kira's courage. Perhaps it was something he was lacking.

Anyway, only a selected few were well aware of what kind of relationship Kira and Lacus shared. Namely Dearka, Yzak, himself. No one actually knew what relationship they had up until recent. There wasn't an official announcement to Athrun and Lacus engagement breaking of after all, rather the news of Lacus getting branded as a traitor together with her father, Seigel Clyne was the only one made known and circulated in PLANTS. It made perfect sense to why Meer acted like his fiance when they first met back in PLANTs and everyone still assumed he and Lacus were still engaged. Kira made all their assumptions crystal clear. _  
_

_So where does that lead him n_ow?

Feeling the shuttle has shifted and was about to enter Earth's atmosphere. His thoughts finally drifted to the last few days he had spent in PLANTs..or what Yzak Joule calls his pitiful excuse to avoid his duties.

He prolonged his stay in PLANTS for a couple of more days which was intentional, by the way, after the said escort with the reasons of visiting old friends and his family's grave. He spent a good amount of his time at the cemetery on the first of day of his so called extended vacation. He paid his respects and offered each one of his comrades a flower. There was Rusty Mackenzie, Miguel Aiman, Nicol Armafi, Officer Ray Yuki, Heine Westenfluss, Captain Talia and Rey Za Burrel. And of course his parents. Leonore Zala and Patrick Zala. He bent down and finally laid her mother's favorite lilies on her grave and smiled a little.

He mumbled an apology for not visiting so often and stayed there for a couple of minutes talking to them as if they were present.

_"Aren't you supposed to be back in Orb now?"_

_On the second day, his door swung open revealing his childhood best friend now a Commander of a ZAFT Flagship and the Supreme PLANTS Chairwoman walking casually in his hotel room dressed in their own civilian clothing._

_He raised a brow at them and wondered why two of the most busiest people in PLANTS suddenly paid him a visit in his hotel room. He stared at his guests as they made themselves comfortable in his room. "Aren't you suppose to be in the Council Meeting today?" He asked back looking at the pink haired Chairwoman._

_Lacus fixed giggled and fixed the shawl wrapped around her body. "Councilman Joule is covering up for me for the time being."She smiled warmly at him._

_Athrun chuckled lightly at the thought. In fact, he could already imagine his previous comrade, cursing everything while doing all the work in place of Lacus. Finally, he found another person aside from himself who would make Yzak's life a tad more difficult. "and Kira?" He nodded towards the Commander looking around his room._

_"My assigned body guard" She replied and took a seat on the edge of the bed._

_The brown haired commander sighed and walked towards his desk. Athrun's laptop was switched on and on the screen were reports he was most probably reviewing and a live streaming of the current news in Orb. The news was featuring how Orb's renovation was doing. There was a glimpse of the blonde haired representative doing rounds. Knowing Cagalli, she was doing things on her own way again and involving herself personally with the current projects._

_"You're hesitating aren't you?"_

_"Huh?"_

_The pink haired songstress remained silent and clasp her hands together. She allowed Kira to talk to his best friend first. There was a reason why they dropped by: it was for Athrun to find his reason. His reason to continue to fight. Fight for what they think is right because Athrun's fight isn't over yet._

_"You're still hesitating..."Kira repeated. "You haven't talked to Cagalli" He said knowingly as he leaned on Athrun's desk._

_Athrun was thrown aback but remained calm. "She's...busy right now" He said as he lowered his head and glanced at the video of Cagalli handing out a few goods to the citizens of ORB on the screen, smiling widely at them and talking to them casually._

_"That's not a reason, Athrun" Lacus looked up to her blue haired friend._

_Kira walked in front of Athrun and swing back his hand and thrust it forward only to connect his fist with Athrun's jaw. "Ouch!" he groaned as he pulled back from the impact and shake his hand from the pain._

_"Kira!" The pink haired chairwoman gasped and nearly jumped off the bed to rush over Athrun. "Are you alright, Athrun?"She asked. She wasn't expecting Kira to hit Athrun. "Does your hand hurt?" She turned to the groaning ZAFT Commander._

_Athrun stumbled a few steps back and fell on his butt. He looked up at Kira, surprised but remained quiet._

_"What's holding you back, Athrun?" Kira started to question him. His calm personality slowly fading away. "Could you cut the crap out already? Stop mopping around here and go back. You're working here in PLANTs when you of all officers should be out there helping Cagalli out!" He screamed at him as he pointed at the screen where the news continued to show Cagalli talking to the civilians. "Athrun, remember Cagalli placed you in that position because she trusted you. I decided to let you take over my position knowing you'd support Cagalli like I did. Kisaka knew you'd protect her and ORB like you did...and you accepted all of it. You were wearing that uniform so proudly as I did to my white uniform earlier. What's stopping you now?"_

_There was a lot. His confidence, Cagalli. ORB. Himself._

_The blue haired coordinator balled his fist tightly but said nothing. He let the words sink in his thick head as Kira tried talking some sense to him, Lacus made no move to calm the slightly enraged Kira down because she knew Athrun needed someone to wake him up and her partner was the only person who could do that right now._

_"You two still have a lot to talk about, am I right? How long are you going to sit around and wait like there's no need to rush. " Kira quoted Athrun's words just before they left for war and scoffed "Of course there isn't but how long are you two going to drag this little game of yours? Cagalli's already stubborn enough . One way or another either one of you should take the first step forward or else nothing's going to change!" Kira breathed heavily, he looked like he was about to explode. Never in his entire life has he felt this frustrated not to mention he wasn't even involved in this problem yet the tension was already crawling at his back that it became annoying._

_Lacus smiled apologetically at Athrun and patted his shoulder. "Athrun, your fears matters the least right now. What's important is you realize what is your reason for being able to survive...two wars in one piece. What was it that pushed you to fight until everything was over?" She held his hand and squeezed it._

_"I just want to live peacefully...like before"_

_She nodded in agreement"Indeed, we all wanted a place filled with peace. We all did. But there's always more, am I right?" she asked innocently, as if she wasn't implying anything...which was not true. "Humans are greedy by nature and would always have more than one reason for doing something. Don't you have more?" she said. " Think of everything. Don't you think you had too many regrets to make up for already hmm?"_

_Athrun sighed and closed his eyes. He searched his thoughts. __"It has nothing to do with fate and the role we play. We'll just take the path we have chosen. So that our paths will meet one day I will protect that future."_

_The future._

That was his clue. All the words finally sunk in his so called hamster brain. The future he protected was already there. He just had to continue protecting it as he walked along with it. The future was still unknown to him, to them, to everyone but he made a promise to himself that day. He had to protect that future so that their paths would cross again. His and her path. He just needs to take the first step. The remaining days of his vacation, Athrun took time to search for the answer and when he finally found it on the fourth day he immediately booked a flight back home to Orb.

* * *

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Orb"

Hearing the announcement he opened his dark green eyes and sighed tiredly. The trip back to ORB was shorter than he had expected. Maybe because he was preoccupied with his thoughts or he was thinking about a lot of things. Picking up his suitcase where all his belongings miraculously fit, he exited the port and rented his own car from the reception.

Glancing at his clock and realizing he still had time to spare before he headed back to the Headquarters, he decided to drop by a place he had learn to visit every time as much as possible. The memorial park in Onogoro.

Wide and peaceful. Those were two words that would perfectly describe this solemn place. In memory of those who have perished in both wars because they were soldiers and those who had nothing to do it, Cagalli had this place built in remembrance of those people.

Surprisingly, in his short absence the memorial looked a lot better than it was before. The place that was once filled with rubble, uneven ground and blown greeneries was rebuilt to a place more worthy to be called a memorial. Different shrubs, flowers and trees were planted around the area just like a huge garden. Butterflies lightly played tag around the bed of flowers at the center, the uneven ground was now flourished and cemented and additional benches and lamp posts were added. The cenotaph by the cliff was the only thing that remained untouched.

Standing in front of the cenotaph, he slowly bent down to lay a bouquet of lilies down on its foot just beside another bouquet of flowers(which he assumed to be from those who wanted to pay respect like him). So much has changed around and he was only a week gone. Cagalli's ability to lead has doubled compared to how she was before.

"A-athrun?"

He turned around to see the blonde representative standing a few meters away from him. Her widened eyes clearly reflecting the color of the sunset making her golden brown eyes shine brighter. He made no move and remained glued on his foot. He stared at Cagalli and took note of how she looked. Of course, she didn't looked any different although her blonde tresses that was once cut short were now lightly brushing against her shoulder, her fiery bright golden brown eyes were still lit up with passion for ORB, and her figure still tall and proud.

"Athrun" She gasped and walked a step forward and another until she found herself running into his arms with warm tears streaking down her cheeks."W-why?"

The blue haired coordinator could only smile a little and hold her. He felt her hands crawling up his cheeks and holding him as she sobbed. "Why are you here?"

"Silly question to get asked by a Commanding Officer"He softly replied, a hint of amusement lingering in his voice "Am i not allowed to return here?"

Cagalli looked up and saw him smiling down at her. She wiped her tears that continued to spill and realized he was wearing his ORB Uniform except he wasn't a Colonel any longer. His rank identified himself as Admiral, the position Kira had left vacant after he had decided to follow Lacus to PLANTS.

She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes as another tear slip from the corner of her eyes. "O-of course." she whispered. Her lips pulled a tight smile as she remembered that the papers Kira asked her to sign regarding his resignation from the National Defense Force. He did say he chose a very reliable and trustworthy candidate to succeed after him. She had signed the papers in a rush and didn't bother checking who it was. She was too occupied in the rebuilding her nation. She wasn't even able to send his brother and Lacus off because of her schedule.

"I still don't understand" She shook her head and rested her forehead on his chest. "I thought..." Her breaths became jaggered and the pain radiating from inside her chest started to ache again. Every single word she uttered felt heavier and heavier and it was beginning to become difficult for her to say. "you...stayed... in... PLANTS"She said, the words were barely whispers.

Athrun shook his head and pulled her to a hug."I couldn't even if I wanted to. "

"That's stupid. You should staying there and not h-here in Orb." Her voice cracked.

He shook his head again and rested his head on top of hers. "But I chose to be here."

Cagalli sighed and tried to push herself away from him but failed miserably as he had her secured in his arms tightly as if he was holding her for his dear life. "Sometimes...you confuse me"She sobbed. All his words were poking her heart and it hurts to hear him say things like that. It was just too good to be true. She didn't deserve to be treated like this.

"I know, I'm sorry" Athrun replied knowingly. He took a deep breath and gathered all the courage he had in his whole body."But I...I made a promise to myself that once everything is over..."He whispered to her. "I would continue moving forward and keep protecting the future."

The blonde natural representative shook her head again in confusion, she couldn't look up at him, not with her tears flowing down nonstop. "I still don't get you"

He chuckled and loosened his hold on her. "I said... I wanted to protect the future" He slowly repeated as he lift her chin up with his finger, meeting his eyes with hers. He plunged deep in to her golden brown orbs as if telling her his words were all true and coming from the heart and he spoke again as he held her gaze in his." because if by chance that the way I chose in protecting it would help me find my way back home...then I'll do my best and when I find my way then I'll continue protecting it until I die. This is something I've decided on my own, Cagalli. Just me. "

Cagalli's eyes widened as she finally understood the context of his words. She bit her lower lip and tried to stop herself from crying again. All he said was true and sincere and somehow she saw all of it in his eyes. To Athrun, accepting the position he now holds and returning from PLANTS meant Orb was his home now and his future was with Orb.

_Orb was her._

He was finding his way back to her.

Subtly, it was his proposal to her, his answer to the questions that were left unanswered. His reason and his purpose of fighting was... her. For him, finding his way back to her meant that his strained and damaged relationship with Cagalli can be repaired with his decision by staying with her and ORB. It may take sometime but he was with her forever.

"Idiot" she chocked down her tears and smiled at him. "You really are stupid"

He laughed and kissed her forehead. "Not really, just a little." He admitted. An arm resting on her waist slowly glided down to her hands. "I just finally found my reason for living. Maybe my life would be more exciting now that the war is over." He softly said as his hand intertwined with the spaces in between her fingers.

Cagalli slightly snorted but restrained herself from making any snappy comment back at him and ruin the moment.

"I'm home, Cagalli"

She nodded her head and press her head back on his chest and smiled, contented in their position.

"Welcome back home, Athrun"

* * *

Phew! Finally done! I have a weird analogy...I think ehehe Oh! I just learned that secretly typing fics in the workplace is really dangerous. I can't predict when my supervisors would appear behind my back lol. I almost got caught one time. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. It's too mushy or something but I tried to keep it simple and well most of the parts were Athrun's umm.. thoughts. I tried to be realistic and well still inline with the GSD I hope I pulled it off? It's really becoming difficult to update when you have a lot of things in your hands right now. T_T)

Tell me how this oneshot went guys, I'll be waiting~

Freyris^^


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